Beginnings

Not sure why I am starting a blog...I already keep a handwritten diary...I have done so since I was 9...off and on anyways...I still have my diaries from way back when too...haha, its kinda fun to go back and read them....thoughts of a 10-12 year old are rather amusing....how "deeply" in love one is at that age and how "hard" life is back in the day...man oh man what I wouldn't give to go back to those problems! To be completely innocent....to not know of the horrors that exist in this world....the heartaches...the loss.....Its hard to live life these days...but within all the tragic stuff, there is good...there is love...there is beauty in the simple things....I wish I could keep focused on that....some days it is just harder then others....

I think as children we all can't wait to grow up....but then as adults all we wanna do is be free and be kids again....guess that's just one of life's tricks....Just to teach us that the grass IS NOT always greener on the other side.....Unfortunately, I have hopped the fence a few times in the last few years....and have been run over by the lawnmower every time lol...by that I mean I realized that indeed the grass is not always greener...Sure it may seem like it for awhile, but then you realize that what you are surrounding yourself with are nothing but a bunch of weeds and doggie doo....

As little girls we all grow up wanting to be a princess.....wanting to be loved and cared for the way we deserve...we want life to be gloriously happy all the time...but there is no reality in that....Fairy tales DO NOT EXIST in real life....they are stories of fiction....like I said above, things might seem like a "dream come true" but in all actuality they are nothing but nightmares in the end....Even the happiest of people (or the ones that appear that way on the outside) have sorrows...and doubts...they cry, they get hurt.....and if they say otherwise they are just fooling themselves....or their moment hasn't come yet....

I don't mean to sound so pessimistic, but let's face it, all of us are at one point in time...I have up days and down days....I'm only human. Ive been emotional all my life, to a fault most times....its just the way I live...day by day....I am hoping to one day be more up then down...but its going to take some work...some medications...some therapy...and most of all support from friends and family....

I am going to be sharing this blog with only a few select people....Those of you who are reading this know just exactly why you are, and I hope that you all will respect me enough not to share it with anyone outside of who I have already specified...Thank you for agreeing to that!

More to come.....stay tuned!